 |
| Perfect. |
Let’s take a quick look at the concept of want, desire and greed…
I want. I want pretty much all the time. It has been this way my whole life
and I am sure will be this way till I die. I will go into more details bout this
at a future time, but for the moment I wanted to take a second and show you
something that gives you a little idea of the kind of things I want.
I want to be able to design and build websites like this… but I can’t. yet.
Then there is the idea of wanting something else. A woman to be specific. Sometimes I just desire and covet something… it is almost a physical ache in me. I don’t mind this feeling – it drives me to be more, to do more, to have more. And yet the want, the desire to posess is not really one of crass physicality. I do not need to have a relationship with every woman of beauty – I simply want to draw my wonder at them around me like a cloak. Wonder and want keep me warm. In the absence of that ache I become morose and cold.
Fortunately, I will never be without something in my life to desire.
It is this desire that makes me a voyeur. It is why I collect images and pages. Each photograph shows me that at one moment in time, somewhere that beauty existed. Obviously, I am insane.
I am blessed with a lot of beauty in my life, my relationships are ones that grew out of this deep ache in me and several times a week something in my life will simply make me stop dead in my tracks in wonder at how amazing it all is. In other words, I am fortunate enough to be living a life that provides me the ability to be present at those frozen moments: to put it another way… I have seen with my own eyes things I would collect pictures of if those pictures existed.
It drives my desire for ownership to be sure. I won’t analyze myself too deeply here – I am sure you all can do it yourselves. I desire… I covet. Some special people make me want to posess them as literally as possible .. I want to pull them deeper inside of me, to enhance those things that are amazing and to help them become all that they can be. When one finds a diamond – how can one resist the urge to cut and polish it?
Those special people I can never get enough of posessing. Our bond can never be too deep. I have to bring them totally inside my ‘power’ if you will.
- Because they keep me warm.
- Because that warmth is something I don’t want to be without.
- The deeper they are inside me, the more I can count on that warmth.
In any case, I wanted to show you an image (see above) that is… by any criteria I haves, perfect. The girl is amazingly beautiful and the photography is excellent. It is erotic in a way no amount of hardcore sex will ever be. I would have traded a lot to be present at that moment… just to mentally hold my hands out towards the flame of it.
As for the rest of all this stuff – I will discuss it again later – clarify it and help you to understand. For now, just take it for the random weirdness it is and look at the pretty girl.
Speaking of great beauty… we are off to spend the evening with Tatsumi – so I will see you all tomorrow.