beavis, this is – the funniest ##$&*) thing
All is well, class is good, the workouts are fine. Now on to the story…
OK. So Flagg calls me up…
I lied. He never calls me. I’ll start over.
I call Flagg, and as always I talk for a while until I realize he isn’t
talking back – then I stop and he tries to change the direction of the
conversation. For two days he has been asking me "Did you read Seanbaby’s
Superfriends
page yet?". I would say "no" because I hadn’t and I wasn’t at all
sure I wanted to. I am not sure why I resisted so long – I liek people who like
Seanbaby, so you would think I would try it. People like, for instance, Old
Man Murray and the guys at the Portal
of Evil.
But no… I waited. I fought it.
Sometime tonight, after being highly amused at the movies
over at the Grit
Truck homepage, I decided to go see what all the fuss is about.
It is really funny. Staggeringly funny. I laughed-till-I-puked kind of funny.
I’m still laughing. Trust me on this. Go there,
and read the bio’s on the Superfriends and The Legion of Doom.
Just do it.
I will now simply quote some of it till I can’t breath again.
| Batman |
|
"Batman was also in charge of the end-show moral speeches at whatever imbecile kids or animals the Super Friends had taken in and dressed up in capes that week. The one thing that was really notable about Batman was the 5 toolsheds he had somehow jammed into his Utility Belt. I’ve seen him pull out bugspray, boomerangs, inflatable batrafts, 80 feet of batrope, and if Robin was lucky, tiny bat nipple clips. Batman could fall asleep and his belt would keep fighting crime. There were so many knobs and switches on it that he set off car alarms every time he let his gut hang loose. If you needed something bat-shaped and stupid, he probably had it in there somewhere. It was amazing. My cable guy only had a couple pliers and some wire on his belt, and it still yanked his pants down to his knees every time he moved." – full bio
|
| Aquaman |
|
"And are fish really worth talking to? Our genius scientists taught that gorilla sign language, and do you know what we learned? "Banana is pretty! Banana make gorilla happy!" I’m going to say what we already know: we’re not going to learn shit from animals. I guess we could teach a cat to talk to find out what assholes taste like without having to go to prison. Maybe dogs could let us know if it’s a good idea to make food that turns into "gravy" when you add water, but what would anyone learn from fish? "Sunken toy castle is adventure! Big fish equal danger!" Fish don’t know anything. It was probably a damn fish that talked Aquaman into getting that belt buckle. Unless he’s been shopping with truck drivers." – full bio
|
| The Wonder Twins |
|
"Were they part of some sort of outreach program? Did the Society of Stupid Children hold a boycott demanding more character representation in the cartoon media? These two sucked so bad the Super Friends made them share a sidekick. And they gave everybody their own sidekick. They gave Hawkman a hawk, they gave Flash a smaller, yellow Flash, and they gave Aquaman two sidekicks PLUS a seahorse and a jetski. Even Aquaman got more of the superhero budget than them. That’s like firing all your English teachers to give the female gym coach the two-way mirror she’s been asking for. Every day Jayna would have to change into pigeon and drag a bucket full |
Goodnight!