scary/wonderful – how good things can sometimes freak out good
people
Well, anyone who has been watching this
blog and those of the
people close to me know
that there has been a lot of stress. The Internet economy is doing
pretty poorly,
and investment funds had dried up a long time ago in this market.
We are really in deep sheep-dip as it were. After giving our all to the
creation of our virtual actor/actress technology and keeping the company alive
it many of the team are at the end of our rope. The shear number of applications
flying out of
dotPublishing is pretty outstanding. I mean, there are only a few of us but
we are applying to a lot
of jobs ๐
Not that we don’t believe. We do. Not that we don’t care, because I believe
in my heart that the whole team wishes nothing but success to this firm. No,
it’s because we cannot pay our rent, or eat, or care for our pets without some
income.
dotPublishing was entering a hibernation phase. Just getting ready to see the
team split up and move on to other jobs. Not abandoned, but sleeping until we
figured out how to keep the lights on and more. We need to actually live. Three
years of abject poverty is enough.
Then what happens? We get a call from some folks at the
Venture Association of New
Jersey returning our calls. They have an opening at their
next meeting
and want to know if we can present. We will have some time to make our company
known to some of those who are still able and willing to invest.
oh…my…god
So here it is… a break in the clouds. We have 8 days to be ready to be
impressive for 5 minutes. I think we can do it… hell I know we
can do it. If it works out we will be back on top and I can maybe keep my team
together.
So one would hope this would be completely good news…
Except – there is deep fear. Mentally, we were prepared to shut it down – our
headspace was already out of here and off into the horrible reality of moving in
with our parents and/or flipping burgers.
Sometimes, when you have already dealt with the pain of loss, the most
painful thing you can get is hope.
I think in a way we were all looking forward to the stability and
predictability – even the relative safety of being at the bottom of the barrel.
We could relax and tell ourselves we were working on bringing dotPublishing out
of hibernation … without having to put in 100+ hours a week for a while. And
eventually, we would have come out of it I am sure.
Well, 95% sure. It would have taken a while till the siren song of normalcy
lost it’s grip on us.
But now, there is no rest. We have to kick ass for 8 days… and then we have
to kick ass to close a deal (if we get one) and then we have to kick ass to make
sure we don’t waste the chance. In other words – back into the fray.
More to the point… given how short this time frame is, what if we fail?
What if this presentation tanks? What if they investors decide to never talk to
us again?
Can we fuck this up permanently?
No. Even if we are not suave and slick, we will be ahead. They
will know our name. They will see our product. They will hear our words. The
worst thing we can be here is boring – and we can always come back and fix that.
So where is the danger here?
It is this – will the pressure of hope… will the struggle to reach
for this success be something that tears my team apart?
I hope not. We are better than that.
I do know that it won’t tear the dream apart. The dream is mine. It is in me
like my blood and my bones. Nothing will keep it from rising again. I have
carried it on on my own when that was my only choice – and if need be I could do
it again.
I hope that those that share the dream with me will come along for the ride
this time. Lord knows I can use all the help I can get and their wisdom and
advice is valuable beyond measure. If not, then I’ll fight this battle on my own
– and maybe if I win it they will be ready to come back when the challenge is
not finding the ability to hope – but instead finding the ability to realize
what hope gave us.
Because I’ll need all that help then too ๐
In the meantime, I am going to teach tonight – from 6:00pm till 8:00 then
take my class at the dojo. I am going to tell my Sensei that for the next 8 days
I will not be able to teach or help as much. I will see if I can borrow a few
hundred dollars to photocopy some flyers and get my suit cleaned.
Then I am going to kick some ass.