So, after a few days of nothing written here it now seems that I have a lot
to say. I can’t really manage to squish it all into this entry, so it looks like
you’ll be getting it in stages.
It’s been a fairly weird couple of days, obviously as you know some of my
views have been altering… not really changing as much as coming into focus and
broadening out. As I transition from one self image to another it seems like I
am finding new interests. This is really freaking me out – because some of them
are things that it seemed to make perfect sense accepting that I would probably
never do.
For gods sake people, some of them make me feel like I am seriously
losing my ‘outsider’ status 🙂
It all started a while back I think when I had to make a business
presentation to a venture capital group and I wound up
buying a suit. That might have marked the crack in the wall of "do what you
have to do dammit and stop complaining". Clearly, lately there has a been a huge
upsurge in my thinking along these lines.
What I didn’t expect was the urge to know how to dance.
You heard me. Dance. Tatsumi was at a wedding over the weekend and she called
me from the reception. I had this bizarre desire to be there with her, dancing.
In my defense it wasn’t an overwhelming desire to partake in the "chicken dance"
or listen to a bad DJ call out the names of random relatives. No, this was more
about dancing in general.
Perspective change: I didn’t have to worry about how bad I would look
dancing… because I had the ability to learn to be good at it.
Get it? The geek in my heart was sure I would look silly – because the geek
can’t dance. But Soulhuntre can dance… or at least learn how to
do so. Now I had always intended to learn for a number of reasons… but it was
something slated for "after"… after
was secure, after the company was running, after I was worth a few million. It
is clear to me now that a lot of what I had slated for "after" those things
happened is exactly the type of thing that can help make it happen.
In other words, I don’t need to wait till after I build the big
laser to be a cool bond villain 🙂
Ah well, one more thing to understand, sometimes the best thing to do with
this sort of thing is do what you can do while your working on the rest.
Granted, I don’t have the time right now for ballroom dancing classes…b ut
that isn’t the point. The point is that I realized that I want to. That some of
the things I thought would happen "after" as a natural consequence are things I
want now – and that I don’t have to hold them hostage.
Tyr can dance if he wants to 🙂
P.S. Here is a my horoscope for today…
"LIBRA (Sep 23–Oct 22): For you Librans, it s not about what you are doing
today; rather it s now about long term planning. What do you need to do in
order to make your dreams real? What parts of your own being need to change as
part of your drive toward success? Think these big ideas through today and set
yourself onto a path with a new direction."