Ed. note: I have attached a lot of my emails on this topic to this post, so you’ll get more detail if you read the whole thing.

As some of you may know, recently Nerve has published an article by Grant Stoddard titled “Letters From Leather Camp”, and the resulting firestorm has taken up a  significant amount of the energy in the [[wp:BDSM]] community. Grant went to the 2003 Leather Retreat, what most people in the scene refer to as “Camp” in a sort of cutesy manner that already makes me want to never, ever attend.

This controversy comes at a bad time for me. I had just sort of been getting a handle on these people, almost getting over my urge to make sure that I never find myself as being described as part of the “BDSM community”. Basically, I don’t like most people – and the fact that they are wearing a leather outfit that doesn’t fit them well doesn’t really go too far into changing my mind. However since TES Fest I have felt oddly mellow about my dislike, I moved from hating most of the stupidity in the community with a visceral fervor into a sort of “Yeah, their not all the brightest bulbs, but what the heck…” acceptance mode.

I even found out that I liked some of these folks more than I thought I would.

The general stupidity surrounding this issue isn’t changing that, I guess it’s just reminding me that most of this community are no more worth trustworthy than anyone else I might know (and no, I am not talking about the reporter). A common interest in floggers certainly doesn’t mean they are any better than the average and apparently their righteous indignation makes them much worse.

Grant wrote a basically sympathetic article, and he has been attacked in every direction by a “coalition of the lynching” that seems determined to vilify him. of course there is a reason for that, some of the most outspoken and vocal members of the community feel personally betrayed… so they are whipping up a frenzy that is totally unwarranted. I may wind up discussing the article itself in detail and a lot of my thoughts are below… but here is the digest version:

• Was the article perfect? Hell no.
• Was it flattering? Not at all.
• Do some people feel betrayed? Sure.
• Is the general reaction warranted or at all proportional? Hell no.

However, something insidious, vicious and hateful was done in the name of this article. Someone in the community, supported by a small group that can only in my mind be considered a lynch mob, decided to perform an act of deliberate terrorism. Grant, who was careful not to use any full names, was attacked in public with details of his activities at camp. It was more underhanded than anything the reported had done, and contrary to everything I thought the community stood for about privacy.

How, you might ask, is it possible to “out” someone who freely admitted he was there, and used his own full name in the byline? And how is it I don’t consider him to have “outed” the other participants? That simple, “outing” to me is connecting a specific identity with the activities described in such a way that a non-scene participant can find the real name of the person.

Grant didn’t do that, whatever else you may think.

The vicious, vengeful and bitter folks who described Grants activities at the Camp in detail did so, and they did it with the specific intent to do harm. They have done it in nationally published e-newsletters, on the feedback pages and there has been talk of using that information to try and get him fired.

I wonder if they’ll try and do all that to me, now that I am not participating in the group think?

There is an ancillary topic discussing the potential of tightening up the “privacy” agreement that is part of many BDSM event registrations. I’ll talk more on that later, but I mixed them in here too.

By the way this is the relevant portion of the Camp registration form discussing confidentiality.

I, ____________________________________________________, by my signature, hereto affirm that I am over the age of nineteen years, and that I agree to hold harmless Community Ties, LLC, Camp Saginaw and any or all of their employees, staff, boards of directors, agents and assigns for any liability which may inure to me as a result of any accident, injury or damage to my person or property as a consequence of my attendance at Leather Retreat 2003 I agree to abide by all Camp and Play Rules of conduct as stated in the registration package I receive upon arrival. I further agree that I shall bring no cameras or recording equipment, and that if I am found using such I understand that the film or tape will be confiscated. I also agree that I shall bring no firearms and no illegal substances to Leather Retreat, to wear shoes and to cover my genitals and breasts whenever I am in the mess hall. I swear/affirm that I am not a registered sex offender in any state.

Some of my comments on the topic…

This is the majority of my posts on this topic to date. it isn’t complete, there are some side discussion and threads I am not going to put here… and some posts couldn’t reasonably be included due to the privacy of others in the thread. Here’s what I can give you.

Ed. Note: as this email was part of an ongoing discussion, I have to edit out the quotations in my message. I have paraphrased what I am replying to… usually in [ ] markers.

Soulhuntre (SH) to nerve.com feedback on 06.21.2003 @ 13:54:00

As a member of the community, I have to tell the folks at Nerve that I am embarrassed by how hateful and vicious many have been in their response.

Personally, I think the articles were accurate in their perceptions – if not in detail, in tone – of a an outsiders view of a BDSM event. I wouldn’t have any problem having this article read by my vanilla friends.. they would get a decent idea what to expect.

The articles went out of their way to preserve the privacy of those at the event, and portrayed us what we are… some basically nice people with some weirdness… cliques and generosities both.

A portrayal that is sadly contradicted by vicious, stupid and childish outpouring of vengeful spite that we seem to be willing to spew with wild abandon.

Hopefully readers will remember the generosities the author told of – and not the schoolyard bullying that is so evident here in feedback.

Soulhuntre to the SM-ACT e-mail list, 06.19.2003 @ 02:34:00

Hey all.

I’m sorry, I just don’t see the problem.

* No one was “outed”

* The article was, in the end, sympathetic and positive

* The article is, as far as I can tell, factually accurate

Basically, this is undercover reporting. It’s the way the world is. When some reporter sneaks into the meetings of groups we dislike we think “yeah! We got em now” and when it happens to us we hypocritically get all indignant?

That’s pretty lame.

Oh I know, the wagons are circled… but I have no intention of sending Nerve a letter for doing what reporters have done for decades.

Soulhuntre to the SM-ACT e-mail list, 06.19.2003 @ 15:12:00

Heya 🙂

[ one of the list members is planning on attending a non-bdsm event and writing and article about it, she will not be identifying herself as a “reporter”. They claim this is ethically different than what Nerve did. ]

I don’t see it that way so much. Humans in the US have a right to free speech; they have an innate right to tell about their experiences. __________ is going to exercise that right, and so did the Nerve author.

Certainly there are limits to that freedom… but I don’t see this as being one of them.

[ claiming that the infiltration is acceptable because it will be objective, whereas Grant was biased ]

And if this author had written a piece attempting to analyze the event in a technical way in relation to law or psychology then maybe his qualifications would be an issue.

However, __________ hit it on the head when she mentioned that this piece was a blog, basically a diary entry. It was a informal description of the experiences of the author. Such articles are, to me, much more interesting and informative than a event approve public relations piece would be.

[ claiming that Grant should have done research into BDSM before the article ]

No offense, but I don’t see any inaccuracies in his report. Granted I wasn’t at “Camp” nor do I plan on attending in the future… but I am pretty familiar with scene events and the people who attend them. I don’t really see where he was sensationalistic or made any factual statements that were incorrect.

If someone could point out to me where those inaccuracies lie, I might be able to muster up some outrage.

[ outrage over the “I was riding with a man that made the Marquis de Sade look like Pat Boone” quote being literally inaccurate ]

Or maybe humor? You know, maybe the thing is simply that I am not nearly so thin skinned about this. I’m not looking to find offense.

Hell, >I’d< be tempted to describe boymeat that way – and I like the guy 🙂 I would mean it in fun, and I would be chuckling as I said it. Lord knows I’ve describe DS events to others as “Dante’s inferno meets the Dukes of Hazzard”.

Does that make me a bad person? 🙂

[ complaints that the article was edited after being posted ]

The only change I am aware of is that they took out a particularly insulting statement – the only one I found in the story. If someone knows of other changes than the “Toyota” comment, please let me know.

So please, tell me how Nerve altering the article to be MORE sensitive to the outrage of the community is a bad thing or makes them bad people… isn’t buckling under pressure what you people wanted?

[ commenting that Nerve removed the ‘feedback’ button for a while … as it turns out latter there had been a vicious personal attack attempting to “out” Grant ]

Yeah, it says they are reasonably smart people. I know I would have taken it down… because the value of any comments is radically less than the problems associated with letting your server get hammered by outraged letter writer who will only be repetitively slamming your organization.

There is simply no point, or value, in letting it happen.

Servers get spammed all the time (and that’s what this would have been) and they turn off those features that are likely to allow that to happen. As soon as it became clear that the comment feature was going to be a place people to hammer away then you turn it off.

[ claiming that there is no witch hunt ]

Clearly our interpretations of this lists messages differ. But then, I was using a certain amount of exaggeration and humor… clearly something that isn’t understood well here.

[ claiming that the article was some cheap attempt at sensationalism ]

I didn’t see any attempt at sensationalism… nor did I see anything that required research. Hell, I don’t see anything that needed to be researched. This was an article where a person described what he saw and felt at an event. The only “research” he needed was to attend.

Personally? I think he was even handed and sympathetic. While our tastes are not his I didn’t see one place where he called us sick, evil, disgusting or morally bankrupt. I saw several places where he complimented us and what we do.

Did he not kiss our ass? True.

Did he not describe us in glowing terms a the vanguard of a sexual revolution? True.

Did he describe us the way we are… as a bunch of pretty odd but nice and harmless people of mixed tastes doing some pretty bizarre things form an outsiders view? Yup.

Is it so necessary of us to have our ass kissed?

Soulhuntre to the SM-ACT e-mail list, 06.19.2003 @ 15:12:00

Heya 🙂

[ discussing various types of entertainment, including ‘ambush reporting’ and like issues ]

And a growing category of blog reporting. Maybe this is why I am not so upset about this… because I am so active in the blog community on several levels.

Some of the most useful and touching writing on the planet is happening in the blog community – thousands of people recording their experiences… just like this author did. Experience reporting or diary reporting is useful and valuable. Is it objective? Nope. Do you have to take it for what it’s worth? Yup.

But it’s incredibly valuable as a field. And as it grows the lines between freelance and paid reporting, diaries and “letters from _____” and the pseudo objective “reporting” we have been getting for decades now will blur.

Welcome to the new media… where everyone can participate and publish. I know the best writing I have seen of several events, including Iraq and 9/11 came from people talking about their experiences.

Me? I am much more annoyed by the “problem solvers” style of attack ‘journalism’ – sensationalism disguised as objective reporting. I think it is pretty pathetic that a market exists for people sticking a camera in some guys face outside a 7-11 in the name of “working for the consumer”

[ commenting that most BDSM events are open to the public for the price of admission, and thus not very private ]

I agree… while I certainly hope that my time at BDSM events is not being broadcast live on satellite I certainly know that it is hardly free from any possibility of observation.

Soulhuntre to the TES-Friends e-mail list, 06.19.2003 @ 03:51:00

Heya 🙂

[ that nerve took down feedback ]

Or maybe they just don’t see any reason to let their servers be used in what amounts to a concerted spam attack on them.

Seems to me like taking that section offline was a pretty practical response to the problem.

Soulhuntre to the TES-Friends e-mail list, 06.19.2003 @ 15:12:00

Heya 🙂

[ on the nature of what is spam ]

I know exactly what SPAM is … and I know that most sysadmins who have to manage servers that face the public internet every day recognize spam as being more than just repetitive emails 🙂

Spam can hit message boards, email, chat rooms and comment pages. Spam is often used to discuss what amount to concerted attacks that have little chance of rising to the level of a DOS (Denial of Service) attack.

A group of people of like mind descending on a comment section to post basically repetitive commentary – spurred on not by their own discovery of the information but by a “call to action” falls well within the common sysadmin usage of the term.

[ that Nerve asks for feedback ]

And then they stopped for a while. Their servers, their choice. I think it was a good one. I think when they re-open the comments section on Friday they will need to close them again almost immediately – I seriously doubt this community is capable of polite, reasoned commentary on this topic. I think the comments will be abused just like they were the first time and used as a forum for personal attacks.

[ that this is “media advocacy” ]

And your welcome too it… but it is completely reasonable of them to not just sit there and let your “advocates” flame away on their servers, using their resources.

They don’t owe you a forum.

[ a lawsuit by “Camp” would be interesting ]

I think it would be – and honestly I think they would lose (the Leather Retreat people). No one in this private event was identified, no images were posted and no names were used… in fact there was no outing of any kind.

Even under strict NDA in private events reporters and others can discuss their experiences, they simply cannot provide details that would jeopardize confidentiality.

If we REALLY get to the point in the community where we cannot discuss our events outside that event I think we will have managed to finish making ourselves look like reactionary, paranoid crazies.

“Where did you go over the weekend Bob?”
“Can’t tell you, it’s a secret”
“Did you meet anyone cool?”
“Shhhh! I can’t tell you!”
“Did you have fun?”
“Classified information, sorry”
“In the city, right?”
“No comprende.”
“Was it one of those BDSM events?”
“Who told you! It wasn’t me… don’t let them sue me!”
“Was it on Earth?”
“Bob Smith, manager, employee number 23875”
“C’mon Bob… at least tell me if the girls were hot!”
“I can neither confirm or deny the existence of this thing you call BDSM”
“Bob, your just being a dick.”
“You don’t get it man, no one can talk about Flog Club”
“Flog Club?!”
“EEEK!! I didn’t say it! You can prove anything! Leave me alone!”

Soulhuntre to the SM-ACT e-mail list, 06.19.2003 @ 22:14:00

Heya 🙂

[ this is a quote from a publicly available registration form, so I left it intact… ]

 I agree that if I create any descriptions or accounts of any  activities at this event in any way, I do hereby transfer any  copyrights of any such materials to St. Louis Leather & Lace at this time by my signature below.

So that organization, in effect, owns my memories of events that happened to me? That is insane.

So I go to this event, come home, and write a bit about it in my weblog I am in violation of the agreement? If I say:

“I went to this event, and like, this guy got flogged.”

I have violated my contract? Hell no. That goes on my list of places to never go, and to recommend no one I know ever goes to. Hell I’ve turned down high paying jobs for less Orwellian contracts.

If I go to an event, I coudln;t say, pass along information I got at a workshop? Insanity.

[snipped from another post of mine]

If we REALLY get to the point in the community where we cannot discuss our events outside that event I think we will have managed to finish making ourselves look like reactionary, paranoid crazies.

“Where did you go over the weekend Bob?”
“Can’t tell you, it’s a secret”
“Did you meet anyone cool?”
“Shhhh! I can’t tell you!”
“Did you have fun?”
“Classified information, sorry”
“In the city, right?”
“No comprende.”
“Was it one of those BDSM events?”
“Who told you! It wasn’t me… don’t let them sue me!”
“Was it on Earth?”
“Bob Smith, manager, employee number 23875”
“C’mon Bob… at least tell me if the girls were hot!”
“I can neither confirm or deny the existence of this thing you call BDSM”
“Bob, your just being a dick.”
“You don’t get it man, no one can talk about Flog Club”
“Flog Club?!”
“EEEK!! I didn’t say it! You can prove anything! Leave me alone!”

Soulhuntre to the SM-ACT e-mail list, 06.21.2003 @ 13:28:00

Heya 🙂

[ On being asked to complete “I am pissed/disturbed/unsettled about Stoddard because….” ]

I am NOT upset about the Stoddard article because:

• There was not one case of moral condemnation in the article
• There was no call to action against the community
• There were several compliments paid to the community as a whole
• We were represented in a basically sympathetic light
• The article was one of personal experience, and as such seems to have been basically accurate
• It takes more that someone not kissing our ass for me to get annoyed
• I have still not seen ONE person back up a credible claim that the article is inaccurate

Basically, the outrage SEEMS to be about him having lied… but that isn’t really it. If he had written a story about how we were a group of sexual rebels on the forefront of free thought… a wonderful collection of physically attractive unique snowflakes, each of us a prince there would not have been one damn problem with him.

However, he presented our community as it is… a group of seriously weird people with quirks and less than perfect appearances who do some stuff to each other that is seriously bizarre to many observes, even inside the community.

I have been to many leather events, and if I were to write an article about most of them honestly I doubt that my descriptions of the people or events would be much more flattering.

What is going on here is that some people feel like they looked like idiots… and they are spearheading a frenzy. Hell, I know several people who have been running around telling people that “some guy at Nerve outted the whole Leather retreat guest list!” – because this community LOVES a witch hunt.

Soulhuntre to the TES-Friends e-mail list, 06.22.2003 @ 03:45:00

Hey all,

I have a question… do we, as “TES Friends” feel that TES has a responsibility to react if one of our members takes part in the deliberate outing of someone who is not a TES member? In other words, does TES react to expel someone who “outs” … or do we only protect TES members specifically?

Does it matter if the outing is being done specifically with the intention of causing life disruption, interference with job and career and harm?

Currently there is much support (including TES members)for using the outing of someone who attended a BDSM event as a means of vengeance I want to know how we, as TES members, feel about this… or is it OK to do it if we feel insulted?

I don’t mind saying I am deeply concerned that there is so much support in the community for this action… and I would hope that TES could take a unwavering stand against the events in motion.

I am concerned because once we cross the line, as a community and an organization, to “vengeance” outing, there is no stopping.