So it’s my birthday today. I am now 37 years old. I like birthdays, they are among my favorite days. I could go on and on about how I got to 37, but I summarized a bunch of it when I was 34.
I feel more… focused? Centered? Stable? This year. I am more confident of my abilities and my goals. I feel more powerful. In an odd way though my goals have never wavered in as long as I can remember I can see the path so much more clearly now. The puzzle pieces are falling into place and all the skills I have spend 37 odd years acquiring are starting to mesh as if a critical mass had been reached. In a way, it had and a state change is running through my life.
The funny thing about having a weblog like this is that I can sort of run a search of my own life. While I cannot pinpoint the exact time it all started and my self began to remake and evolve, I can point to at least one entry that discusses it out in the open. We can look back and see not only the man I was… but the fires and process that shaped the man I am becoming. We can even see some of the fits and starts, the attempted ignitions that don’t work out or came at the wrong time. For instance we can look back to 2001 and see that I am still working on getting all that dental work done.
If you read my blog, or if your that scum bunny who keeps invading my brain (and no, I am not buying that “magic fish” routine), you will know that over the years I have been striving and working to change – that the seed of evolution were there and I was killing myself to make it happen. This was folly, but folly that could not be avoided. Now that change is upon me I find that it is no struggle at all really – that the right things feel right, that the moves I should make are obvious. I don’t miss my bad habits.
It’s all quite nice.
That’s not to say there is not a lot of work in my days, or a lot of energy I need to pump in to make this work and grow – but it is not resistance from inside. Cat is not crawling around all the time yet, but the slumber is not now one of illness or depression. It is not repression or pain. Simply a gathering of energies as the way is prepared.
I feel good.
Thank you for your readership, your friendship, your support and your assistance. I have noticed I have a lot more friends (real friends) than I thought I did… not that I don’t think I have friends, I just never kept track of how many there are. Your still a fairly small group, but you help.
Of course, to my [[girl2|girls]] go the largest thanks of all, another year – especially given how well things are right now – is all the present I need.
Goodnight!