Since the in thing these days seems to be trading recipes instead of actual information, I felt the time had come to let you all in on what happens in my kitchen when I whip up some of that old time [[wp:voodoo]].
Then, when “Uncle Flagg’s Deep Dish Despair” hit the web, my time had definitely come to pass. I had originally tried to hook this up on my acclaimed cooking show on Oxygen during a video conference but it went something like this:
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My esteemed colleagues:
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“We would like to see something for the holidays, something small… in paper…” |
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Me:
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“Like cupcakes?” |
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Them, looking confused:
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(looking confused) “No, that’s not it – you know, something that won’t makes us look like we are eating too much…” |
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Me:
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(with infinite patience) “You mean cupcakes.” |
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The idiots:
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(starting to drool) “Something with ham, it has to have a lot of ham.” |
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Me:
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“You want cupcakes!” |
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Them:
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(growing an extra mouth or two) “We want small cakes! Yes, Yes! we want the cupcakes!” |
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Me:
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(towering with rage) “You can’t HANDLE the cupcakes!” |
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Them:
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(eating the videophone equipment:) “Blarg!“ |
| *** static *** |
So anyway, here it is – I call them “a little cup o’ failure”.
- 1 cup crunchy style reactionary paranoia
1/2 cup firmly packed denial flakes
1 (18.25 to 18.5-ounce) package alienation mix
1 cup water
1/4 cup LAND O CONFUSION® Butter, melted
3 large conspiracies
1/2 cup miniature semi-sweet faux alliance chips
1/2 cup karma-flavored chips
- Heat oven to 350°F. Combine reactionary paranoia, denial flakes and alienation mix in large mixer bowl. Beat at medium speed, scraping bowl often, until mixture resembles coarse crumbs (1 minute). Reserve 1/2 cup reactionary paranoia mixture. Set aside.
- Add water, butter and conspiracies to remaining reactionary paranoia mixture. Beat at medium speed, scraping bowl often, until well mixed (2 to 3 minutes). Stir in 1/2 cup alliance chips and 1/4 cup karma chips by hand. Spoon batter into paper-lined 12-cup muffin pans, filling each cup half full.
- Combine reserved 1/2 cup reactionary paranoia mixture and remaining karma chips in medium bowl. Sprinkle about 1 teaspoon mixture over each cupcake. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans.
Makes 2 1/2 dozen vicious, biting failures.
Nutrition Facts (1 failure)
Calories: 1900
Fat: don’t ask, ever
Cholesterol: 25 mg
Sodium: 180 mg
Bile: 1/2 throat full
Carbohydrates: 23 g
Dietary Fiber: <1 g
Protein: 4 g