The following was posted by my own Tatsumi to a mailing list for TES members. The discussion was one I was fairly deeply involved in, all about the concept of whether “no” neans “no” all the time, without question. We aren’t really talking about [[wp:safeword|safewords]] here… its more about the concept of consent. Anyway, here is her post:
Mon 11/10/2003 10:15 AM by [email protected]
Hey all:)
I wasn’t going to post on this topic, but my head hurts and
I just can’t stop myself. Please keep in mind that all I can add to this thread
is my opinion based on my experiences.If a play partner blew past a
request and the outcome was positive I would have to think long and hard about
my request and how serious I was when I made it.Why didn’t I question
the partner when he blew past it? Why did the scene turn out well? Was I happier
in the end that the request was ignored or was I unhappy with the outcome? Would
I play with this person again knowing that they have the ability to bend my will
to theirs? Would I play with this person again knowing that our play might not
be as casual as it appears? Would I trust this person? Do I believe that this
person has my best interests at heart?So many questions and only
intuition, faith and trust can provide the answers.Based on my past, if
a playmate blew past a request and I wasn’t ready to get into a serious
relationship, I would not play with that person again. It’s pretty simple. They
took a gamble on blowing past a requested limit and they lost to ability to play
with me.
If I were ready to get into a relationship, they took a gamble and
won the chance to be with me on more than a casual level.Is that risk
something most people are willing to bet? I certainly hope not! Most people
aren’t smart enough to pull it off without landing themselves in
jail.Again, JMO – YMMV and all that good disclaimer shit:)
-Tatsumi
Now, I have always felt much the same way about the concept of consent. I am
willing to sidestep it, ignore it, blow past it if I am sure that the
outcome of that will be something I want. You have to understand that
once you have made the decision to take on yourself the right and power of
unilateralism then you become solely responsible for the outcome.
From very early on in my relationship with Tatsumi it was clear to me that if
I really wanted, I could bend her – but that the consequences would be immense.
That’s a lot of what happened for all the time we were together till a little
while ago. Me pushing, her bending, both of us wondering if it was the right
time to see what was on the other side of that barrier… if this was the time
that I would “do it”.
In the end, it started simply. Hot and wet the slut couldn’t take it any more
– she pushed my little girl aside and in a sweet voice told me she wished I
would get mad at her so that I could forgive her. It was a gutsy, risky,
desperate action on her part – born of frustration and need. It could have led
to a casual scene of play anger and real catharsis that would have been very
amusing. It didn’t.
What it did do was provide the sound that woke a part of me
(the one I call “Cat”) up… woke it unexpectedly. That part of me looked
around, sniffed the air and checked the wind. The response was strong and
immediate… THIS WAS THE TIME. This moment, right now. Nothing I had
planned, nothing I had expected. Nothing I was (consciously) ready for.
So I reached out with a claw, and took what was mine. Shook it by the throat
and made my declaration:
- My slut.
- My cunt.
- My girl.
- Mine to use.
- Just… plain… mine.
The aftermath or as someone I have recently come to realize is a friend said about some
needles; the shockwaves of that incident is still rocking us all. It’s a
whole new world, but it’s a good one and I will adapt to this. I will keep this
girl, this angel, this wet and dripping cunt under my boots or I will have
failed myself and Cat, not to mention the responsibility that comes from having
done this thing.
That I will not tolerate.