On a mailing list I am on we were discussing consent. I mentioned that I sometimes act without the consent of others and the discussion began to center around how one can be sure, how sure is sure enough and the fact that for some people any violation of their consent causes irreparable harm. In attempting to explain my thoughts I lapsed into some symbolic math. Here is the relevant portion of the post…

portion of a post by Soulhuntre to  StrictlyDs on 09.08.2004 01:11:00

When the risk is small and the reward for me and her is high the answer is yes, it is. You’re welcome to not like that answer 🙂 

Lots of things go into a decision like this.

• How sure I am that I am right

• How much damage I might do if I am wrong

• The benefit if I am correct

 It is, as all things are, a cost/risk over benefit calculation. If I felt she was the type of person who would be destroyed by having her consent trampled upon them I doubt I would ever feel sure enough about my decision. I will use the word “fragility” for this concept in absence of a better word.

Off the cuff? In short this following equation must be true… (I think better in math terms – do not take this as an idea that I think all life can be reduced to a simple equation 🙂 )

( fragility * ((100 – surety) + 10 + trauma) ) < ( benefit + surety )

 I am expressing “surety” as a percentage like I am %50 sure I have judged her responses correctly. Fragility and benefit are on a 1 – 10 scale.

So take someone who will respond very badly if her consent is broken. She will be damaged forever and have flashbacks etc. Her “fragility” is 10. Let’s assume that I am pretty sure ( 100% ) that I have judged her responses correctly. So I am SURE she will later have enjoyed what I did immensely. I will enjoy it too, and we will be happy together. Let’s give it a 10 for benefit. Oh, and I don’t think it is a big deal (something like kissing her) so the trauma factor is small… a 1 out of 10).

( 10 * (( 100 – 100 ) + ( 10 + 1 )) < ( 10 + 100 )
or
110 < 110

As you can see, even if I am POSITIVE she will enjoy what I did, and even if I am ABSOLUTELY sure that it will be a great experience I still won’t do it… because it is also GUARANTEED she will have traumatic damage from the fact that it happened – even if she liked it and it was minor.

Now, let’s take a more common example. I am pretty sure we will both enjoy it (after), I am pretty sure she is not the type of person who will be scared for life if I am wrong and I don’t consider it a large traumatic event (say a hair grab and a kiss).

( 2 * (( 100 – 75 ) + ( 10 + 2 )) < ( 8 + 75 )
or…
( 2 * 37 ) < ( 8 + 75 )
or
74 < 83

 Meaning I might do it. In English it says that I am pretty sure that a grab/kiss won’t be very traumatic and I don’t think she is the kind of person to be traumatized for life if I am wrong.