Wound up doing an [[Everything2]] nodewalk on and off over the last few days… here are the links to the nodes I touched… in no particular order. Included are some snippets that may tempt you into going to the node to see what’s up. You really, really should check some of these out. Trust me on this.
Mixed bag – funny, practical and odd…
Mixed bag – funny, practical and odd…
- I used to love women from afar. Of course, now they call it stalking. – “She doesn’t even know me. How can she have judged me already?”
- Speed chess, confessions of a positional player – “Positional playing {sigh}, is the other side of chess…It’s like hunching behind a blown out access-bay hatch with a humming pulse rifle in each hand, locked and loaded to rain death upon the oncoming hunters of the alien hive. It’s like standing alone on a red soaked hill, bloodied katana in hand, quietly waiting for the second wave of enemy ninja.”
- If you would like to hear a duck quack, press 7 – “In a cute, humanizing bit of fun, someone high up in the telecom or tech side of National Discount Brokers played around with the usual dehumanizing automated voice response system. Namely, they added to the main menu an item stating “To hear a duck quack, press 7″.”
- Geek’s guide to working out – “If you can believe this, many Geeks are in bad shape. Many of you geeks might have this little voice in the backs of your heads saying you should be working out, but it is promptly silenced by the din of a good game of Half-Life or your blasting MP3‘s. However, should you decide to listen to that voice, as I did, here’s a listing of the things I have found to be most important to my ongoing endeavor. I’ve been working out consistently now for over 6 months, so something’s going right.”
- Apology for fitness – “They blame their failure on a lack of good genes or other nonsense. If you’re not willing to work your ass off, genes won’t help you; if you are, they will not matter a bit. Welcome to the world in which effort is the only thing that gets results.”
- SE Asia beer girl phenomenon – “When you walk into a seemingly normal restaurant in Thailand or Cambodia, a bunch of girls will come swarming around your table…”
- The Big Lebowski Phenomenon
- Obscure Simpsons reference that no one gets – you should go add something.
- Beginner Sushi – “Being a sushi fanatic, I’ve often had to drag sushiphobics kicking and screaming into Japanese restaurants to prove to them for once and for all that no, sushi is not alive; no, sushi will not kill them; and yes, it actually tastes good. Terrified by the thought of “raw fish“?”
- Charlotte Church wins Rear Of The Year
- Never Never NEVER put on a ring of conflict on the Astral Plane – “Dost thou desire conflict? Then have some more!” and there were lots of angels of Anhur and they all ganged up on me and left me helpless and then Famine came over and ate me, the little bitch.”
- How to buy a BATF Class III item – “When asked for a reason why you want to acquire indicated item, just put “Firearms Collector” or something equally appropriate. “Trenchcoat Mafia” is not appropriate.”
- SOY! SOY! SOY! Soy makes you strong! Strength crushes enemies! SOY! – “I was strolling through Kroger trying to refill the refrigerator when I decided, for no apparent reason, to detour through the health foods section. Curiousity, I suppose. The prices and packaging available for organically grown breakfast cereal and pectin-sweetened oatmeal has always distantly amused me.”
- Ayn Rand – “The novel was based on her years living under the Communist takeover, and is, in my opinion, the most emotionally powerful and striking example of her fiction work”
- J-pop vs J-rock. Glitter vs Gold – “So, how does one differentiate between the two? Let’s start with J-pop. J-pop music commonly centers around a “hook“. A chorus that sounds like it was designed by a group of scientists to be catchy and marketable.”
- Why Vampire Hunter D’s hand ruins the entire movie – “When D’s hand began to reattach it’s self, the room was silent. I uttered in a dopey monotone voice, “Hey look he’s giving him self a hand!”, the whole room (all nine or so of us) busted out laughing.”
- Akira Fubuki – “Her videos are some of the most requested on the Asian market. Her most famous film is probably Sexual Performance and behind that one would be Dizzy and Dressy.”
- Sung-Hi Lee – “Naturally, she was a hit with me, then a hormonally-charged young geek. She represented the epitome of a certain kind of exotic beauty, but this time, she expounded on her role.”
- Seanbaby – “A greatly amusing personage from his Web perch of seanbaby.com, he writes about mostly old Nintendo games. Sure to make you laugh and cry with nostalgia, as this guy is really fucking funny.”
- Don’t stick wasabi up your nose – “An exceedingly painful accident known to occur in Japanese sushi bars to customers who punctuate their words by waving wasabi-coated chopsticks around…”
- Out of Order signs for personal gain and amusement – “Our vending machine at work is always running out of Coke, leaving me to choose between 3 types of diet whatever and Five Alive. A small OoO sign on the Coke button and viola! The Coke remains stocked until the guy comes to pickup the money and takes the sign off.”
- 10 Ways to irritate, annoy, and anger your cat – “Stare at it face to face, and make all the cat and “meow” noise variants you know, as if you are attempting to communicate in its “native language”.”
- Sun Tzu in residential Canton Township – “Summer time being what it is (you know, hot), two things always happen: people continue ordering pizzas, and their bastard children pull their arsenals of water weaponry out of storage. These two immutable dimensions of the summer season came together one afternoon in a swirling nexus of pepperoni, advanced guerrilla warfare tactics, nubile teenage babysitters, and high pressure streams of water emanating from phallic-shaped pieces of injection-molded plastic.
- The Rocky Horror Picture Show – “Anyway, one day a kindergarden teacher from Staten Island did the unthinkable, he started yelling stuff at the characters on the screen. While in most other movies it’s frowned upon, this movie sorta deserved it. Plus it was funny. He started showing up every week, and eventually other people in the audience joined in. Before long, there was an entire room with audience participation. As the cult started, people dressed as the characters and began performing it as the film rolled. Rice would be thrown during the weddding scene, water pistols would be squirted over people with newspapers over their head (during the scene where Brad and Janet walk through the rain), toast during the Dinnertime toast. Everyone, and I mean Everyone dances the Time Warp in the aisles. The rest is history. “
- Why strapping buttered toast to a cat’s back will not produce infinite power – “The principle behind this, of course, is that expensive white shirts cannot resist being splattered with deep red tomato sauce. My mate Neal came up with this whole concept.”
- Why some guys don’t pick up on hints from women – “It’s understandable that guys may not pick up on date-me-hints from women because of various reasons, a common one being that women sometimes hint too subtly. But what about leave-me-alone/cut-it-out hints?”
- How to exchange two variables without using a third – “Ok, this is pretty simple to do, but I’ve found that many people think it can’t be done…so here it is, in all of it’s perlified glory.”