Deeply twisted, funny and/or kinda hot…
- Shopping in the Children’s Clothes Section of Target
- Just because a man is nice to pretty girls, it doesn’t make him a nice man – “And, as surely as night follows day, while this fellow will greet you by name when you are accompanying the woman who is clearly the object of his most explicit sexual fantasies he will completely disregard you if he should happen to chance upon you alone, becoming confused and aggressive if you happen to forget yourself and wish him, ‘good evening, Derek’.”
- Why Robert Heinlein bugs the hell out of me – “First, half of his heroes are wise old guys with long lifespans who make out with hot young servile women. Since Heinlein WAS a “wise” old guy with a long lifespan, it gets a little sickening after the third or fourth book about it.“
- Let’s fuck this donkey – “Shut up. And stop touching that donkey that way.”
- Babysitter Lolita – “Shortly after Tiffany’s fifth birthday party He got a promotion at work meaning that neither He nor She had Tuesday or Wednesday evening free, so L was looking after Tiffany alot, which suited her, since she was fifteen and the babysitting money supported her blossoming social life.”
- Fetishizing schoolgirls – “One of the more perverse forms of schoolgirl fetishism in Japan are Buru-Sera shops. Meaning literally, “Bloomer and Sailor”, these shops specialize in selling the used uniforms and gym outfits of schoolgirls.”
- Well if it’s gonna be THAT kinda party, then I’m gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes! – “Hand came out of nowhere, hauled me up – ‘He’s your friend, go rescue the silly fucker’. Made my way, unsteadily, very unsteadily to the kitchen, where I found a good friend of mine, tears streaming down his bright red face, frantically scrubbing at his, uh, member in the sink.”
- He said ‘tentacle porn’, so I stuck my dick in a toaster and went from there – “I stared at her in amazement. It’s not every day that a 22 year-old woman dressed in a Girl Scout uniform and holding a plastic bag of live goldfish shows up on my doorstep and hurls a non sequitur like that in my face.”
- I want to be a dirty old man when I grow up – “The conversation could not stay away from being perverted and loud, and then the perfect dirty old man walked through the shop, and we realized that was out future.”
- To that cute little goth girl sitting in the pizza parlour – “Your hair grows long over the years, relentlessly dyed a cruel, harsh black whenever the natural mahogany begins to shine through. You’re in one of my classes, I talk to you more often.”
- Sex with my sister was always really, really good – “But then things changed. I became violently ill, and being righteous and pious, I decided that if I could not go to church, church would come to me!”
- Isn’t she a little young- – “The message is brief, yes, and more than a little blunt, but the state of Virginia is banking on that. They need to convey the message to thousands of young men all across the Commonwealth that sex with underage girls is a bad idea“