ed note: the updated to this minor saga is here.
Well, presumably it was bound to happen. As some of you may or may not know, there has been a bit of friction happening on the AbsoluteBDSM list between a number of dominants who feel that their title of “Master” or whatever gives them the inherent right to deference from others – and those of us who feel that respect and deference is individually earned. It’s gone back and forth a bit. I was civil. I was polite. I was clear in my views.
One of those dominants was Master Eso who also runs a Yahoo called TheEsoDom. Anyway, the same topic came up on Eso’s list about whether anyone claiming the term “master” to themselves was entitled to respect from anyone who calls themselves submissive. There was a lot of mutual admiration, a lot of mutual hand-jobs and in general they were well on their way to concluding that gosh darn it anyone in “the lifestyle” who claimed to be a dominant had obviously worked so hard to get there that to not recognize it was foolish and stupid.
It’s a very interesting, if somewhat insular, worldview. So, I posted to the list with my thoughts on the topic. That post never made it as Eso saw fit to kill not only the post, but my ability to participate in the list. Now that’s his choice, its his list, but it does leave me with the conclusion that apparently the concept of judging someone on their own merits instead of their title is too radical for the that part of the community. Remember, I was supended not because my post was rude (in fact Eso specifically tells me that it was acceptable in tone) but because the concepts embodied in it were to detrimental to be passed onto his readership.
My post is reproduced below in it’s entirety. Also below is my email to him telling him of this posting.
He sent me a very polite email telling me to refrain from submitting further posts to the list. I thought about reproducing it here in its entirety but most of it is really just a commentary (in the negative) about my posting style and perceived bad attitude. There is no reason to put it all up – though I will if Eso feels that my comments here cast it in a bad light without the full email being public. There is one passage though that really does beg to be put up for posterity:
“Unfortunately, I do no longer consider your postings beneficial to my group, or the Absolute Master and slave lifestyle as a whole, and rather see your teachings, trainings, or whatever you wish to call what you are doing as detrimental to aspiring slaves and Masters or the lifestyle itself. In other words, I see it no longer just as a simple matter of opposing or disagreeing views, but detrimental.” – Master Eso, to me, Saturday, November 27, 2004 4:52 PM
So there you have it. My thoughts on personal merit in dominants have been ruled detrimental to “the lifestyle itself”. Evidently I have arrived.
sent by soulhuntre to [email protected] on Sat 11/27/2004 2:48 PM
[ snipped comment that a great many Masters and Dominants spent significant time and effort to attain their “level” and that they have thus earned the right to demand the respect of, and be treated “accordingly” by, any submissive they come across ]
Because the concept asserted above, that a great many masters have worked long and hard to attain something is, in many people experience, not correct.
Now, it is absolutely true that there are dominants who are worthy of the respect of their peers and those who know them… of this there is no doubt. However there are also many, many, many dominants who are deserving of no such respect at all in the eyes of many (like myself).
Thus, it goes against my nature to give the benefit of the doubt to someone about whom I know nothing that would give them the status needed to garner my respect. By extension then, my property also does not extend respect that has not been inspired in some fashion.
In simple terms, that means that there is nothing about someone introducing themselves to me or mine as a “dominant” that accords them any special status – because the claim is so often made by those who deserve no special status that it would be in my mind impractical to do so.
Politeness? Politeness is something I and my girls extend easily as a benefit of the doubt kind of thing. Respect? Deference? No. That is something accorded when I see fit.
[ a comment that this state of submission in the presence of someone who claims dominance is natural, even for someone who is not your own dominant ]
This is true for my girls as well – the catch is that there is much, much more to someone being dominant than someone being called or introduced as dominant. The title does not convey the fact, nor should it.
In smaller circles my default changes. For instance anyone I met at the house of a peer of mine who was introduced to me as “Master so and so” would gain a modicum of respect simply because his presence in that house means he has already impressed my peer favorably to some small degree.
[ reasserting that respect is only right considering how cool doms are ]
When someone comes up to my girls and says “I am Master Domly_Guy” at a BDSM event there is no reason to believe he >is< anything of the type, no is there any reason to believe he has spent any time or effort on anything at all. They will be polite, but they will not assume he is a “Master” nor will he be accorded any deference.
Without a vetting process the title means nothing outside the “web of reputation” that someone gains and maintains.
Soulhuntre
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My thoughts: http://weblog.soulhuntre.com
My legacy: http://www.the-estate.com
My girls: http://www.girl2.com
sent by soulhuntre to [email protected] on Sat 11/27/2004 7:53 PM (approx)
Hey there!
Thanks for the note. I have removed myself from the list as I am sure I would feel an urge to hit “reply” someday and do so by accident. This way I don’t have to remember and you don’t have to click “delete” an extra time J
I put >my< portion of the message for your list up on my blog (I quoted no one from your list) and I commented on and reproduced a single paragraph from your email. I wanted to let you know myself it was up, rather than have someone tell you and ti be a surprise. If you wish, I will be happy to append any comment you might have to the entry and or I will put up the whole email if you feel I have taken your words out of context.
Have a good weekend!
/core_dump/archives/002234.ascx#002234
Soulhuntre
-_-_–_-_–_-_—-
My thoughts: http://weblog.soulhuntre.com
My legacy: http://www.the-estate.com
My girls: http://www.girl2.com