“Everything always looks easier on TV. Preparing braised capon with pearl onions, for instance. Or removing coffee stains from a white oxford shirt. And, of course, slamming an eight-inch chrome-plated dildo up your ass. When you try to do these things yourself, the braised capon burns, the shirt remains stained, and your ass yearns for the days when dildos were inspired by an erect penis rather than the hardware department of Sears.” – quote in context
“Adhering to the code of ethics as prescribed by the Society of Professional Journalists, I inserted the dildo into my ass in such a way that would effectively “minimize harm” to both my rectum and my bed sheets.” – quote in context
