รย A the joys of the BDSM safety nazi checklists. It never ceases to be amusing when some puffed up Voice Of Reason(tm) takes it upon themselves to help a group of adults learn how to be humans. Anyway, this came up on a mailing list I am on, so I copied my response here.
Yeah, like most such lists, assertions and “safety guides” it’s almost entirely crap.
รย
> 1. THOU SHALT COMPLETELY GET TO KNOW HIM
> This cant be stressed enough, take some
> time and learn the person not the dom/me
> you are bowing too. If he rushes you R-U-N!!!!Because you know, it’s all about you. Anyoen who isn’t doing things exactly the way you want them to happen must be some evil predatory scum so “RUN!”. Please, get a f-ing grip.
> 2. THOU SHALT GET CONTACT INFORMATION
> If a dominant cant at least give you a home phone number
> then you should at least be curious about why.Of course this is hilarious since most of these same safety people will tell a sub to never give out her number.
รย
> 3. THOU SHALT USE SAFE CALLS
> they are in place for a reasonYeah, the reason is that some people who push this sort of stuff keep telling people they are crucial.
รย
> 4. THOU SHALT NOT PLAY WITHOUT SAFEWORDS
> this is always a good idea unless you have
> been with him/her for a while.*sigh* This is so silly it isn’t even worth commenting on.
รย
> 5. THOU SHALT NOT BE A BANK
> unfortunately there are those lecherous
> persons that pray on the desires of others
> to their detriment. If you find a dom/me
> asking for money on a regular basis
> inside of a dom/sub relationship.
> take your ass, mind and heart to
> another establishment.Again, I say bullshit. The reality is that for those whot ake the concept of service and ownership seriously it is often well within the structure for a dominant to have use of a subs finacial resources.
รย
> 6. THOU SHALT REQUIRE YOUR DOM’S ATTENTION
> There is no such thing as a “high maintenance sub”
> all people, places and things need attention.Seriously bullshit.
รย
> 7. THOU SHALT BE HONEST
> If you really want a relationship
> tell your dom/me that and DON’T
> just submit to anything because you
> want him or her to touch you.Gott love anyone who can reduce a complex dynamic that can be different between millions of humans to a one sentence sound byte.
รย
> 8. THOU SHALT NOT STAND IN LINE FOR A TOP
> Usually the so called attractive dom/mes
> have 3 and 4 subs. If you can handle that
> then take your place amongst the others.This is so out of place among the list I am thinking it is a typo ๐
> 9. THOU SHALT NOT BE A DOORMAT
> If there is something truly foul is going on
> dont be afraid to stop it at once
> better a bruised wing than a broken spirit or heart.Of course this is all much, much more complicated than this little list implies. But hey, so far none of this has been particularly nuanced or sophisticated… Why start now?
รย
> 10. THOU SHALT NOT BE AFRAID TO COMMUNICATE
> If he doesnt know what’s broken, he can’t fix it.Of course, the real issues are when and how to communicate.