Below is a post of mine (slightly edited) to the DOMINANCEsubmission email list. I have paraphrased all text that is not my own for the privacy of those I am responding to.
I have also written about punishment before, you may want to look those over as well.
> Sent: Sunday, January 21, 2007 12:08 PM
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: [DOMINANCEsubmission] Re: “How do you punish?”
[why is punishment used?]
Punishment is in a very real way not only necessary but inevitable in a world where choices have consequences. Some of the choices we make will result in a negative consequence… a punishment by some definitions. This is true for all humans who act in the world.
[is punishment something that happens to dominants as well?]
It certainly does happen to me. It happened to me in exactly the way I described it in my referenced posts… last night at my Dojo.
I am an intelligent adult. I am a Sensei. I have been practicing and teaching martial arts for more than a decade. Among the things I have been taught and KNOW I should do are the following…
- Do not lower my head to far in reaching for an opponent’s legs in Morote-GariÂ
- Make sure I am in close (hip touching close) before I attempt a Uki-Goshi )
Now. I am not an idiot. I have no intention of disobeying the instructions of my Sensei. I do not ignore his teachings. I do not hope he will “punish” me in any fashion.
So, last night I had 6 sparring matches. Our style is combined so I am dealing with Karate, Judo, Ju-Jitsu and thus fights that encompass a wide range of moves and attacks.
- In one of those matches I dropped my head while attempting Morote-Gari. I was punished by my partner (who hit me in the forehead and almost managed to throw me while I dealt with the impact) and by my Sensei who reprimanded me (a mild punishment, but one nonetheless).
- In another match I did not get close enough in my Uki Goshi. Again, I was punished two fold. My partner proceeded to counter me with great speed and significant force and my Sensei again noticed and reprimanded me.
As a reasonable, intelligent adult who has every intention of doing what I have been taught I still MADE mistakes. The reason (as I expand in my writing) is because the things that are expected of me at my Dojo are skills that need to take place beyond and below my conscious thought. When that level of performance is needed my intentions and my maturity are not major issues.
The neural network of my brain needed to generate pattern generator that would operate when my conscious mind was occupied with other things (the thousands of decisions a second that are part of fighting). Negative consequences help to do that. My point is simple – for some levels of performance, for some skills the conscious intention of the person responsible for acting is not the be all and end all of the issue.
[is not the desire to be pleasing, or honor, be enough?]
For the performance standards that are common in the vast majority of BDSM relationships? Sure. Just like in the vast majority of jobs it would be enough just to be have someone explain to you nicely where you made an error.
However for circumstances where the performance level required DEMANDS correct responses and reactions regardless of how confusing, distracting or hostile the environment is or where the correct response has to happen faster than conscious decision making will allow them negative consequences (punishment) are an invaluable tool.
To put it another way – if all you want is for your property to be able to kneel when you asked them to and to get it right most of the time when they had a moment or two to settle into the right position and if you were willing to accept that they may be slower under difficult circumstances then I am sure just describing it and their good intentions would be enough.
If you need them to hit the right position on command every time, no matter where they are, no matter how confused, upset or angry they may be, no matter who is watching and you want them to be able to do it instantly and without hesitation then you will need more than casual conversations and the occasional “good girl”.
It has NOTHING to do with maturity and intentions. When you are building responses that operate BELOW conscious decision making then things are much more primal and high concepts like intention, agreements and your relationship don’t factor into it at all.
Ken