The plight of the newbie…

In a recent thread on Fetlife.

on the idea that people in the BDSM community are to insecure to “speak up” about the plight of the novice who is “preyed upon”.

Really? If there has been a single recurring theme in all my time in the “community” it has been the incessant hand wringing and concern for those poor apparently idiotic newbie’s who are seen as too weak and dumb to make decisions for themselves.

The endless “newbie guides” the constant “SSC” chanting, the classes, the pamphlets, the websites. the warnings and posts on mailing lists and forums. Heck, the poor newbie is more overprotected than the spotted owl for mostly the same reasons – because you can show how good a person you are by how concerned for them you make yourself appear to be.

on the concept that novices use their status as a means of abdicating their own responsibilities for their actions…

Often it is not the newbies themselves (at least not to start with) who hold this low opinion of their own decision making abilities but rather those in the scene who are seeking some advantage to being shown as a protector figure. IF there is an entire underclass of unthinking moronic novices running around then you can make all sorts of rules about how others should behave, what they should say and what they should be allowed to teach in the name of “protecting the newbies!”.

If the BDSM scene was actually acknowledged as being populated by adults then how could you use fear and concern to try and control the freedoms of those who have opinions you don’t like?

I am constantly amused by the idea that adults who have the legal ability to enter contracts, make life altering decisions (to abort or have children, sex or no sex, join the military or not, medical decisions with life / death consequences etc.) suddenly turn into little balls of cookie dough when “the scene” enters into their lives who can no longer be expected to light up a brain cell on their own behalf.

Sorry – not only is the premise (the poor newbies) deeply flawed but the idea that this si a topic no one speaks up about is at odds with reality. The single most overused argument, overplayed tactic and overwrought concern is the plight of the poor helpless newbie.

My suggestion is this – if these poor novices are really incapable of making decisions as if they were adults they don’t need to be protected, they need to be sent away from your group. The last thing the scene needs is a influx of people who are apparently incapable of exercising meaningful consent because they are mentally feeble.

Enjoy 🙂