Zomg – Safeword!

In a recent thread on FetLife, the topic of safewords reared it’s head again. Here was my contribution.

“Whether the word is “tuna” or “stop!” the core component of a safe word is that when it is uttered the dominant / top is _obligated_ to take action, or at least take notice. In many cases when the correct word is uttered the agreement is that the dominant will terminate the scene without question.

In short, a safeword is often a form of contract between the top and the bottom that grants the bottom the last and final say in the termination of the scene or activity. That is it’s most common purpose and exactly why it is so often used as a balm to calm down the inquisitive vanilla crowd. As presented to them the safeword is the final line of defense for consent… “"If they really wanted to stop it, they could!” people are told and this it must be ok.

Of course that’s rubbish, but it make for a fine salve on the collective conscience. For instance it is a trivial matter of manipulation and frame play to prevent someone from using a safeword, even if you granted them one to use.

Personally, I simply don’t grant that power to someone in a scene in the first place. I make the decision to stop or continue. I make the decision to alter or maintain the course of events. Certainly that puts me in a more difficult legal position if I should be in front a of a jury but I certainly have no intention of altering how I deal with my servants to appease a society that doesn’t understand the concept.

If I was a evil man, I would pretend to use them. I would mouth the platitudes, sing the songs and write the flowery essays. I would assure those under me that they had a safeword and that if they use it I will heed the requirements and relinquish my control of events. I would do all of that then simply make the concept of safewording a practical impossibility in their minds so that it would never happen all the while playing the diligent role of the beneficent and socially acceptable top.

I am much more honest than that.” – me