\u00c2\u00a0A the joys of the BDSM safety nazi checklists. It never ceases to be amusing when some puffed up Voice Of Reason(tm) takes it upon themselves to help a group of adults learn how to be humans. Anyway, this came up on a mailing list I am on, so I copied my response here.<\/p>\n
Yeah, like most such lists, assertions and “safety guides” it’s almost entirely crap.<\/p>\n
\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n
> 1. THOU SHALT COMPLETELY GET TO KNOW HIM
\n> This cant be stressed enough, take some
\n> time and learn the person not the dom\/me
\n> you are bowing too. If he rushes you R-U-N!!!!<\/p>\nBecause you know, it’s all about you. Anyoen who isn’t doing things exactly the way you want them to happen must be some evil predatory scum so “RUN!”. Please, get a f-ing grip.<\/p>\n
> 2. THOU SHALT GET CONTACT INFORMATION
\n> If a dominant cant at least give you a home phone number
\n> then you should at least be curious about why.<\/p>\nOf course this is hilarious since most of these same safety people will tell a sub to never give out her number.<\/p>\n
\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n
> 3. THOU SHALT USE SAFE CALLS
\n> they are in place for a reason<\/p>\nYeah, the reason is that some people who push this sort of stuff keep telling people they are crucial.<\/p>\n
\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n
> 4. THOU SHALT NOT PLAY WITHOUT SAFEWORDS
\n> this is always a good idea unless you have
\n> been with him\/her for a while.<\/p>\n*sigh* This is so silly it isn’t even worth commenting on.<\/p>\n
\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n
> 5. THOU SHALT NOT BE A BANK
\n> unfortunately there are those lecherous
\n> persons that pray on the desires of others
\n> to their detriment. If you find a dom\/me
\n> asking for money on a regular basis
\n> inside of a dom\/sub relationship.
\n> take your ass, mind and heart to
\n> another establishment.<\/p>\nAgain, I say bullshit. The reality is that for those whot ake the concept of service and ownership seriously it is often well within the structure for a dominant to have use of a subs finacial resources.<\/p>\n
\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n
> 6. THOU SHALT REQUIRE YOUR DOM’S ATTENTION
\n> There is no such thing as a “high maintenance sub”
\n> all people, places and things need attention.<\/p>\nSeriously bullshit.<\/p>\n
\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n
> 7. THOU SHALT BE HONEST
\n> If you really want a relationship
\n> tell your dom\/me that and DON’T
\n> just submit to anything because you
\n> want him or her to touch you.<\/p>\nGott love anyone who can reduce a complex dynamic that can be different between millions of humans to a one sentence sound byte.<\/p>\n
\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n
> 8. THOU SHALT NOT STAND IN LINE FOR A TOP
\n> Usually the so called attractive dom\/mes
\n> have 3 and 4 subs. If you can handle that
\n> then take your place amongst the others.<\/p>\nThis is so out of place among the list I am thinking it is a typo \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
> 9. THOU SHALT NOT BE A DOORMAT
\n> If there is something truly foul is going on
\n> dont be afraid to stop it at once
\n> better a bruised wing than a broken spirit or heart.<\/p>\nOf course this is all much, much more complicated than this little list implies. But hey, so far none of this has been particularly nuanced or sophisticated… Why start now?<\/p>\n
\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n
> 10. THOU SHALT NOT BE AFRAID TO COMMUNICATE
\n> If he doesnt know what’s broken, he can’t fix it.<\/p>\nOf course, the real issues are when and how to communicate.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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