{"id":1829,"date":"2003-10-17T16:33:11","date_gmt":"2003-10-17T16:33:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.soulhuntre.com\/items\/date\/2003\/10\/17\/lets-kick-this-down-a-notch\/"},"modified":"2003-10-17T16:33:11","modified_gmt":"2003-10-17T16:33:11","slug":"lets-kick-this-down-a-notch","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/2003\/10\/17\/lets-kick-this-down-a-notch\/","title":{"rendered":"Let’s kick this down a notch!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Since the in thing these days seems to be trading recipes instead of actual information<\/a>, I felt the time had come to let you all in on what happens in my kitchen when I whip up some of that old time [[wp:voodoo]].<\/p>\n

Then, when “Uncle Flagg’s Deep Dish Despair<\/a>” hit the web, my time had definitely come to pass. I had originally tried to hook this up on my acclaimed cooking show on Oxygen<\/a> during a video conference but it went something like this:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n
My esteemed colleagues:<\/b><\/div>\n<\/th>\n
“We would like to see something for the holidays, something small… in paper…”<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\n
Me:<\/b><\/div>\n<\/th>\n
“Like cupcakes?”<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\n
Them, looking confused:<\/b> <\/div>\n<\/th>\n
(looking confused)
“No, that’s not it – you know, something that won’t makes us look like we are eating too much…”<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\n
Me:<\/b><\/div>\n<\/th>\n
(with infinite patience)
“You mean cupcakes.”<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\n
The idiots:<\/b><\/div>\n<\/th>\n
(starting to drool)
<\/b>“Something with ham, it has to have a lot of ham.”<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\n
Me:<\/b><\/div>\n<\/th>\n
 “You want cupcakes!”<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\n
Them:<\/b><\/div>\n<\/th>\n
(growing an extra mouth or two)
“We want small cakes! Yes, Yes! we want the cupcakes!”<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\n
Me:<\/b> <\/div>\n<\/th>\n
 (towering with rage)
“<\/strong>You can’t HANDLE the cupcakes!”<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\n
Them:<\/b><\/div>\n<\/th>\n
(eating the videophone equipment:)
“Blarg!<\/a>“<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\n
<\/div>\n<\/th>\n
*** static ***<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

So anyway, here it is – I call them “a little cup o’ failure”.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
1 cup crunchy style reactionary paranoia
1\/2 cup firmly packed denial flakes
1 (18.25 to 18.5-ounce) package alienation mix
1 cup water
1\/4 cup LAND O CONFUSION\u00ae Butter, melted
3 large conspiracies
1\/2 cup miniature semi-sweet faux alliance chips
1\/2 cup karma-flavored chips <\/dt>\n<\/dl>\n
    \n
  1. Heat oven to 350\u00b0F. Combine reactionary paranoia, denial flakes and alienation mix in large mixer bowl. Beat at medium speed, scraping bowl often, until mixture resembles coarse crumbs (1 minute). Reserve 1\/2 cup reactionary paranoia mixture. Set aside.\n
  2. Add water, butter and conspiracies to remaining reactionary paranoia mixture. Beat at medium speed, scraping bowl often, until well mixed (2 to 3 minutes). Stir in 1\/2 cup alliance chips and 1\/4 cup karma chips by hand. Spoon batter into paper-lined 12-cup muffin pans, filling each cup half full.\n
  3. Combine reserved 1\/2 cup reactionary paranoia mixture and remaining karma chips in medium bowl. Sprinkle about 1 teaspoon mixture over each cupcake. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans. <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Makes 2 1\/2 dozen vicious, biting failures.<\/p>\n

    Nutrition Facts (1 failure)
    Calories: 1900
    Fat: don’t ask, ever
    Cholesterol: 25 mg
    Sodium: 180 mg
    Bile: 1\/2 throat full
    Carbohydrates: 23 g
    Dietary Fiber: <1 g
    Protein: 4 g <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Since the in thing these days seems to be trading recipes instead of actual information, I felt the time had come to let you all in on what happens in my kitchen when I whip up some of that old time [[wp:voodoo]]. Then, when “Uncle Flagg’s Deep Dish Despair” hit the web, my time had […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":53140,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[278],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1829"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1829"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1829\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/53140"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1829"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1829"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1829"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}