{"id":1856,"date":"2003-11-10T10:48:52","date_gmt":"2003-11-10T10:48:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.soulhuntre.com\/items\/date\/2003\/11\/10\/no-means-harder\/"},"modified":"2003-11-10T10:48:52","modified_gmt":"2003-11-10T10:48:52","slug":"no-means-harder","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/2003\/11\/10\/no-means-harder\/","title":{"rendered":"No means harder…"},"content":{"rendered":"

The following was posted by my own Tatsumi to a mailing list for TES<\/a> members. The discussion was one I was fairly deeply involved in, all about the concept of whether “no” neans “no” all the time, without question. We aren’t really talking about [[wp:safeword|safewords]] here… its more about the concept of consent. Anyway, here is her post:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\n

Mon 11\/10\/2003 10:15 AM by Tatsumi@girl2.com<\/a><\/b><\/p>\n

Hey all:)<\/p>\n

I wasn’t going to post on this topic, but my head hurts and
\nI just can’t stop myself. Please keep in mind that all I can add to this thread
\nis my opinion based on my experiences.<\/p>\n

If a play partner blew past a
\nrequest and the outcome was positive I would have to think long and hard about
\nmy request and how serious I was when I made it. <\/p>\n

Why didn’t I question
\nthe partner when he blew past it? Why did the scene turn out well? Was I happier
\nin the end that the request was ignored or was I unhappy with the outcome? Would
\nI play with this person again knowing that they have the ability to bend my will
\nto theirs? Would I play with this person again knowing that our play might not
\nbe as casual as it appears? Would I trust this person? Do I believe that this
\nperson has my best interests at heart? <\/p>\n

So many questions and only
\nintuition, faith and trust can provide the answers.<\/p>\n

Based on my past, if
\na playmate blew past a request and I wasn’t ready to get into a serious
\nrelationship, I would not play with that person again. It’s pretty simple. They
\ntook a gamble on blowing past a requested limit and they lost to ability to play
\nwith me.
If I were ready to get into a relationship, they took a gamble and
\nwon the chance to be with me on more than a casual level.<\/p>\n

Is that risk
\nsomething most people are willing to bet? I certainly hope not! Most people
\naren’t smart enough to pull it off without landing themselves in
\njail.<\/p>\n

Again, JMO – YMMV and all that good disclaimer shit:)
\n-Tatsumi<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Now, I have always felt much the same way about the concept of consent. I am
\nwilling to sidestep it, ignore it, blow past it if I am sure that the
\noutcome of that will be something I want<\/i><\/b>. You have to understand that
\nonce you have made the decision to take on yourself the right and power of
\nunilateralism then you become solely responsible for the outcome.<\/p>\n

From very early on in my relationship with Tatsumi it was clear to me that if
\nI really wanted, I could bend her – but that the consequences would be immense.
\nThat’s a lot of what happened for all the time we were together till a little
\nwhile ago. Me pushing, her bending, both of us wondering if it was the right
\ntime to see what was on the other side of that barrier… if this was the time
\nthat I would “do it”.<\/p>\n

In the end, it started simply. Hot and wet the slut couldn’t take it any more
\n– she pushed my little girl aside and in a sweet voice told me she wished I
\nwould get mad at her so that I could forgive her. It was a gutsy, risky,
\ndesperate action on her part – born of frustration and need. It could have led
\nto a casual scene of play anger and real catharsis that would have been very
\namusing. It didn’t.<\/p>\n

What it did<\/i><\/b> do was provide the sound that woke a part of me
\n(the one I call “Cat”) up… woke it unexpectedly. That part of me looked
\naround, sniffed the air and checked the wind. The response was strong and
\nimmediate… THIS WAS THE TIME<\/b>. This moment, right now. Nothing I had
\nplanned, nothing I had expected. Nothing I was (consciously) ready for.<\/p>\n

So I reached out with a claw, and took what was mine. Shook it by the throat
\nand made my declaration:<\/p>\n