{"id":2338,"date":"2004-11-20T01:26:46","date_gmt":"2004-11-20T01:26:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.soulhuntre.com\/items\/date\/2004\/11\/20\/taking-life-to-the-max-tucker-max\/"},"modified":"2004-11-20T01:26:46","modified_gmt":"2004-11-20T01:26:46","slug":"taking-life-to-the-max-tucker-max","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/2004\/11\/20\/taking-life-to-the-max-tucker-max\/","title":{"rendered":"Taking life to the Max. Tucker Max."},"content":{"rendered":"

Legendary<\/b><\/u>. That is the only word that covers some people<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I am not a legend, only a sort of low rent boogie man for a small but growing portion of the world. Fortunately they are having children, some of whom will grow up to be cute and legal. In a related note, negatives never really take the way you want them to so the sentence “Never fuck Soulhuntre” winds up being a constant urging to contact me when they turn 18 for some misogynistic abuse. Even then, I still wont be legendary.<\/p>\n

\n

“10:23: Rich knows me from undergrad, and knows how to ride my hot streaks by provoking me, \u201cCome on man, you can do better. There are plenty of people around here to make fun of.\u201d <\/i><\/p>\n

Express elevator to hell, going down. I give him my voice recorder and a simple order, \u201cDon\u2019t miss anything.\u201d – the rest of “The Absinthe Donuts Story<\/a>“<\/i><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

<\/p>\n

Tucker Max<\/a> is one of those people who have stories you wish you had. I mean, I have a fair number of good stories but mostly they end with me [[e2:eating tainted candy and hating myself]]. The others start with the phrase “So I was beating this girl…” and that only takes you so far. I refuse to consider anything involving dice a “story” for this context.<\/p>\n

\n

“I opened the cap, crammed the bottle top into her asshole, and squeezed. I probably emptied half of the 4-ounces of AstroGlide into her. I have since learned from homosexuals that a 4-ounce bottle usually lasts them about 6 months. So yeah–I overdid it.<\/i><\/p>\n

But Tucker Max wasn\u2019t done. Oh no, after depositing enough grease in her to run a Formula One racecar, I dumped half of what remained onto my cock and balls, really wanting to lube up because I didn\u2019t want her to be uncomfortable.” – the rest of “Tucker tries buttsex; hilarity does not ensue<\/a>“<\/i><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The world of Tucker will change how you look at your own, leading you to question things you once held as a certainty…<\/p>\n

\n

“I just stood there, too shocked to move, trying to recall every detail about her to refute his argument.<\/i><\/p>\n

Tucker \u201cWait, wait, wait\u2026\u201d
Him \u201cShe gave great head, didn\u2019t she?\u201d
Tucker \u201cShe was a stripper! They give head for a living!\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING.<\/i><\/p>\n

Him “Was she tall? Taller than you?\u201d
Tucker “Yeah, but I\u2019ve dated lots of girls who were taller than me.\u201d
Him “But I bet none of them had hands as big as hers.”<\/i><\/p>\n

I AM GOING TO VOMIT.” – The rest of “The most disturbing conversation ever<\/a>“<\/i><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Just go. Read the stories. Be happy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Legendary. That is the only word that covers some people. I am not a legend, only a sort of low rent boogie man for a small but growing portion of the world. Fortunately they are having children, some of whom will grow up to be cute and legal. In a related note, negatives never really […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":53207,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[278],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2338"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2338"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2338\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/53207"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2338"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2338"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2338"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}