{"id":3566,"date":"2009-06-16T06:05:27","date_gmt":"2009-06-16T10:05:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.soulhuntre.com\/2009\/06\/16\/3-steps-forward-1-step-back\/"},"modified":"2009-06-16T06:05:27","modified_gmt":"2009-06-16T10:05:27","slug":"3-steps-forward-1-step-back","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/2009\/06\/16\/3-steps-forward-1-step-back\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back"},"content":{"rendered":"

I don\u2019t really blog much these days \u2013 most of the itch I have to express myself is easily scratched via Twitter<\/a>\u2026 blogging seems so long form and old school now. I am not sure what I want to say now, but I feel like it is worth more than 140 characters to say \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

I was sometime in October of last year (I think) that I took my first extended leave of absence from my Dojo in more than 14 years.  I had (have) health problems to resolve and significant fitness issues to address before I can really feel like a return was possible. I miss it. Every single day I miss the feeling of being someone who knows<\/strong> <\/em>what I am made of, what I am capable of. I got a warm glow in my core from knowing that I was never more than a few days away from a physical and mental challenge. Without it I feel weak, like a failure in many ways.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, there is simply no denying the fantastic strides I have made in my life in these last months. My business has become dramatically steadier and more profitable. My projects proceed at a much more rapid pace and my relationships are stronger than they have been in years. I have had the time to work with good pack mates in a way I have not felt since the initial days of The Estate. Health wise, I am insured and my blood pressure is down to something that wont result in me blowing  a hole the size of a hornet through the side of my aorta.<\/p>\n

In short \u2013 this has been among the most rewarding and productive periods of my life. I must, and I will, continue to carry the full momentum of these gains with me into the future. I know, exactly, how to build a better life for my House and all those who shelter under it.<\/strong> The wider benefits will help my pack mates and friends. Nothing must stop that or slow it down. This work, these advances, are my absolute priority.<\/strong><\/p>\n

But still, every day I do not feel like I have the right to put on my gi and wear my rank with the pride and blessing of my Sensei I feel a little bit hollow inside. Every day I have to look in he mirror and see a civilian, not a fighter, not a martial artist \u2013 I feel a little less like a man than I should. <\/p>\n

Do not mistake me here. I am by no means unhappy.  I am in fact in a period of clarity and accomplishment like none other in my adult memory. I guess I just want it to be complete \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

The answer then is simple\u2026 continue to balance work and leisure, making sure I make a lot<\/em><\/strong> of money without going crazy and drop about 45 pounds to get into good, fighting shape.<\/p>\n

No problem \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don\u2019t really blog much these days \u2013 most of the itch I have to express myself is easily scratched via Twitter\u2026 blogging seems so long form and old school now. I am not sure what I want to say now, but I feel like it is worth more than 140 characters to say \ud83d\ude42 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":53216,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[278],"tags":[286],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3566"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3566"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3566\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/53216"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3566"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3566"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3566"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}