{"id":50939,"date":"2003-02-27T08:02:40","date_gmt":"2003-02-27T08:02:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.soulhuntre.com\/items\/date\/2003\/02\/27\/3-shows-on-saturday\/"},"modified":"2003-02-27T08:02:40","modified_gmt":"2003-02-27T08:02:40","slug":"3-shows-on-saturday-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/2003\/02\/27\/3-shows-on-saturday-2\/","title":{"rendered":"3 shows on Saturday\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n
\n

Where do we go from
\nhere?
\nWhere do we go from here?
\nThe battle’s done,
\nAnd we kind of won
\nSo we sound our victory cheer <\/p>\n

Where do we go from here?
\nWhy is the path unclear?
\nWhen we know home is near
\nUnderstand
\nWe’ll go hand in hand
\nBut we’ll walk alone in fear <\/p>\n

Tell me
\nWhere do we go from here?
\nWhen does the end appear?
\nWhen do the
\ntrumpets cheer?
\nThe curtains close
\nOn a kiss god knows
\nWe can tell the end is near<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

\n where do we go…<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

A few folks are no doubt wondering what is going on with me… how things are
\ncoming along in my once or twice yearly [[wp:pheonix]] routine. It seems like
\nI’m never really at a place where I feel like I have the time I need to actually
\nexplain to you all what’s up… so this is as good a time as any.<\/p>\n

It’s funny the things I take information, comfort and growth from when the
\nlittle grey cells are out there rebuilding all their little connections to each
\nother – it’s like a constantly changing version of the old Coke commercials – a
\nhoard of neurons all holding hands and singing a song I can’t hear yet.<\/p>\n

If you want to know what’s in my head these days? Go listen to the Buffy
\nmusical. It was an episode called "once More with Feeling" and aside from being
\none of the more brilliant TV show episodes of all time, the music is pretty good
\n– and there is some cool stuff hidden in the lyrics. Speaking of,
\ngo look at the
\nlyrics<\/a>… and you can grab the music while you’re at it if you find it out
\nthere on the web.<\/p>\n

The core of what’s happening inside me is going strong, and as it expands I
\nam starting to hit the old walls… but it feels different, the same old
\nsarcastic reaction is there but it doesn’t seem to be sticking to me this time.
\nI can look at those who are doing the things that pushed me away from all this a
\nlong time ago and just laugh a little on the inside. It doesn’t really have
\nanything to do with me<\/i><\/b> or what’s important<\/i><\/b>.<\/p>\n

In the end there are a few things that I want to make sure don’t happen to
\nme… things I have seen of late as a result of my interactions with the [[wp:BDSM|community]]
\nthat are what drove me away from all this.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Tinpot dictators<\/b><\/u><\/p>\n

\n

These are people who somehow think they are the second coming just because
\nthey managed to put more time into an organization than others – or because they 
\nrun a committee or other. You know the types – they have some small local fame
\nin one area or the other and this seems to convince them that they are the end
\nall and be all of what is and isn’t "proper" BDSM. This includes all the folks
\nwith nothing better to do than write letters to the editor of every newspaper
\nthat uses the letters B,D,S & M in a context they don’t like<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The "Vegas" syndrome<\/b><\/u><\/p>\n

\n

This is  is what happens to people who have finally found the one
\n ‘trick’ they are capable of doing that is going to wow a crowd at a BDSM
\n event. You know the type, you can see it coming a mile away…. rigged ‘demos’
\n and lectures that boil down to an opportunity for them to show off with their
\n favorite demo bunny – usually the same one they have been using all along.<\/p>\n

Please. Spare me.<\/p>\n

Here’s a hint for would be BDSM lounge acts – if you can’t do it in
\n theory with<\/i><\/b> anyone from the crowd it isn’t really worth doing at a
\n lecture or demo. I mean yeah, we are all very impressed that she juggles 12
\n goldfish while you masturbate her with your toes and look lovingly into her
\n eyes while reciting something romantic about trees (or something particularly
\n dark from a NIN track, it’s really the same thing)…<\/p>\n

I’m sure you were the hit of your Tupperware party circuit. Now get a room
\n and come back when you have something useful to say \ud83d\ude42<\/i><\/p>\n

It’s interesting because I know some of the flashiest people on earth.
\n Flagg in particular travels around in a cloud of sequins that is utterly
\n baffling considering how much black he wears. Somehow, he avoids this even
\n though I kid him incessantly about it. Now, it may be he gets a pass because
\n he’s my droog but I don’t think that’s all there is to it. <\/p>\n

See, Flagg could<\/i><\/b> pull a random person from the crowd.
\n Further, while my man is clearly worthy of two shows a night at the
\n
\n Luxor<\/a> he has yet to pull out a patently showy rabbit from his hat at a
\n lecture or seminar… even when I am sure he had the opportunity.<\/p>\n

One of the reasons I have so much respect for the guy \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Like I said… these things used to drive me nuts – I was genuinely afraid I
\nwas going to become one of those people – but you know what? It isn’t true. it
\nsimply isn’t going to happen. Now I can just shake my head and go "riiiiiggghhht".<\/p>\n

The last one though… that is one I might be vulnerable to… and it is the
\none that still has the power to freak me out. This isn’t limited to BDSM people
\n– I see it a lot among my ‘nilla friends at times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nMore sex? lay it on me…
\nMore scenes? absolutely…
\nPassion? more please…<\/p>\n

Driven by my dick? Never.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

\n pick a head…<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

A complete and utter failure to keep an eye on the ball<\/b><\/u><\/p>\n

\n

This is the one that kills me. I think in the end this is the thing that
\n makes me seem… passionless? Cold? I am not sure what it is. We have a lot of
\n jokes here that center around my legendary lack of a sex drive. These are
\n jokes I wholeheartedly approve of by the way. They come down to this:<\/p>\n

\n

I have more on my mind than sex.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This is not something I have any intention of changing. Of course<\/i>
\n there was some trouble in my head that I am recovering from that combined this
\n priority assignment with other issues to make my sex drive be way, way too low
\n on the list for my tastes. The reality is that I have every intention of
\n correcting that – but there is a point I simply will not allow sex or playtime
\n rise above.<\/p>\n

The ball. My eyes. An unbreakable connection.<\/p>\n

You see them all the time in the community – great hordes of people who
\n seem to have nothing more weighty on their minds than when there might be a
\n sale on liquid latex happening or when the next dungeon party is. <\/p>\n

Free clue: You have a very impressive flogger collection – that’s not
\n the same thing as having a life.<\/i><\/p>\n

I have some wonderful [[girl2|girls]] in my life who absolutely have the power
\n to stay in my thoughts all the time. They are pretty, distracting and damn
\n blood stirring. If I let my guard down I could wake up in a year with nothing
\n more to show for my time than a lot of fond memories and an ability to tie 27
\n different kinds of knots \ud83d\ude42 <\/p>\n

Would that be so bad? No. Of course, it would be better to get my domain in
\n order, achieve some measure of financial stability and then<\/i><\/b> get
\n a handle on "101 ways to tie a girl to a swordfish with spaghetti". You know?<\/p>\n

Dominance means knowing when it’s time to play – and when it isn’t<\/u><\/i><\/b>.<\/p>\n

Obviously I need to put a bit more playtime in my life – one of the things
\n I have come to realize is that not all playtime is purely play ya know? This
\n is good to know.<\/p>\n

The thing is, I have no intention of overcompensating…. not that I seem
\n to be in any danger of that \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

E.d note: before you ask –  yes, there is a special dispensation
\n for honeymooning, it’s a human thing and something to be enjoyed when it
\n happens: I, your emperor, will allow you to take one eye off the ball while
\n you knock the new car smell off the private parts (mental and physical) of
\n that cool thing you found under the couch cushions.<\/i><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

So there you have it … the reconstruction of my mental wiring is proceeding
\njust fine. Obviously there is some resistance, nothing deliberate – just
\ninternal pressure for my brain to slip back into the old patterns. You can feel
\nthe old vortex wanting to pull us all back in … but it isn’t happening.<\/p>\n

The [[girl2|girls]] and I have been keeping a handle in it – breaking the old
\npatterns and giving each other the information and support we need to move
\nforward and get back to what we actually want in our lives. It’s working, and we
\nare seeing some of the benefits I think… obviously there is a lot of effort
\nleft but that’s OK.<\/p>\n

Ok… sleep now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Where do we go from here? Where do we go from here? The battle’s done, And we kind of won So we sound our victory cheer Where do we go from here? Why is the path unclear? When we know home is near Understand We’ll go hand in hand But we’ll walk alone in fear […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":53167,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[278],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50939"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=50939"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50939\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/53167"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=50939"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=50939"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=50939"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}