{"id":822,"date":"2001-04-21T04:04:56","date_gmt":"2001-04-21T04:04:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.soulhuntre.com\/items\/date\/2001\/04\/21\/beavis-this-is-the-funniest-thing\/"},"modified":"2001-04-21T04:04:56","modified_gmt":"2001-04-21T04:04:56","slug":"beavis-this-is-the-funniest-thing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/2001\/04\/21\/beavis-this-is-the-funniest-thing\/","title":{"rendered":"beavis, this is – the funniest ##$&*) thing"},"content":{"rendered":"

beavis, this is<\/u><\/b> – the funniest ##$&*) thing<\/p>\n

All is well, class is good, the workouts are fine. Now on to the story…<\/i><\/p>\n

OK. So Flagg calls me up…<\/p>\n

I lied. He never calls me. I’ll start over.<\/p>\n

I call Flagg, and as always I talk for a while until I realize he isn’t
\ntalking back – then I stop and he tries to change the direction of the
\nconversation. For two days he has been asking me "Did you read Seanbaby’s<\/a>
\nSuperfriends<\/a>
\npage yet?". I would say "no" because I hadn’t and I wasn’t at all
\nsure I wanted to. I am not sure why I resisted so long – I liek people who like
\nSeanbaby, so you would think I would try it. People like, for instance, Old
\nMan Murray<\/a> and the guys at the Portal
\nof Evil<\/a>.<\/p>\n

But no… I waited. I fought it.<\/p>\n

Sometime tonight, after being highly amused at the movies<\/a>
\nover at the Grit
\nTruck<\/a> homepage, I decided to go see what all the fuss is about.<\/p>\n

It is really funny. Staggeringly funny. I laughed-till-I-puked kind of funny.
\nI’m still laughing. Trust me on this. Go there<\/a>,
\nand read the bio’s on the Superfriends and The Legion of Doom. <\/p>\n

Just do it.<\/p>\n

I will now simply quote some of it till I can’t breath again.<\/p>\n

\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Batman<\/u><\/b><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
"Batman was also in charge of the end-show moral
\n speeches at whatever imbecile kids or animals the Super Friends had
\n taken in and dressed up in capes that week. The one thing that was
\n really notable about Batman was the 5 toolsheds he had somehow jammed
\n into his Utility Belt. I’ve seen him pull out bugspray, boomerangs,
\n inflatable batrafts, 80 feet of batrope, and if Robin was lucky, tiny
\n bat nipple clips. Batman could fall asleep and his belt would keep
\n fighting crime. There were so many knobs and switches on it that he set
\n off car alarms every time he let his gut hang loose. If you needed
\n something bat-shaped and stupid, he probably had it in there somewhere.
\n It was amazing. My cable guy only had a couple pliers and some wire on
\n his belt, and it still yanked his pants down to his knees every time he
\n moved." – full
\n bio<\/a><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

Aquaman<\/u><\/b><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
"And are fish really worth talking to? Our genius
\n scientists taught that gorilla sign language, and do you know what we
\n learned? "Banana is pretty! Banana make gorilla happy!"<\/b>
\n I’m going to say what we already know: we’re not going to learn shit
\n from animals. I guess we could teach a cat to talk to find out what
\n assholes taste like without having to go to prison. Maybe dogs could let
\n us know if it’s a good idea to make food that turns into
\n "gravy" when you add water, but what would anyone learn from
\n fish? "Sunken toy castle is adventure! Big fish equal
\n danger!"<\/b> Fish don’t know anything. It was probably a damn fish
\n that talked Aquaman into getting that belt buckle. Unless he’s been
\n shopping with truck drivers." – full
\n bio<\/a><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

The Wonder Twins<\/u><\/b><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
"Were they part of some sort of outreach program?
\n Did the Society of Stupid Children hold a boycott demanding more
\n character representation in the cartoon media? These two sucked so bad
\n the Super Friends made them share a sidekick. And they gave everybody
\n their own sidekick. They gave Hawkman a hawk, they gave Flash a smaller,
\n yellow Flash, and they gave Aquaman two sidekicks PLUS a seahorse and a
\n jetski. Even Aquaman got more of the superhero budget than them. That’s
\n like firing all your English teachers to give the female gym coach the
\n two-way mirror she’s been asking for.<\/p>\n

Every day Jayna would have to change into pigeon and drag a bucket full
\n of her brother and a monkey everywhere they went. Meanwhile, back home,
\n there’s a garage packed with expensive fish-decaled Aqua vehicles. How
\n could they fight anybody with that insult on their mind? The Wonder
\n Twins were lucky if Superman jammed them in a rusty shopping cart and
\n shoved them. They were even luckier if the thing rolled straight and
\n didn’t veer into a building a block away from the Hall of Justice."
\n – full
\n bio<\/a><\/i><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n

Goodnight!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

beavis, this is – the funniest ##$&*) thing All is well, class is good, the workouts are fine. Now on to the story… OK. So Flagg calls me up… I lied. He never calls me. I’ll start over. I call Flagg, and as always I talk for a while until I realize he isn’t talking […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":56223,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[278],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/822"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=822"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/822\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/56223"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=822"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=822"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/legacyiamsenseiken.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=822"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}